During Switzerland’s song (the first one) it suddenly occurred to me to write a stream-of-consciousness of the Eurovision Song Contest final, as nobody on IRC is likely to be interested.
So some comments on Switzerland’s song. Aside from questioning the wisdom of entering a song made up of a chorus and verse which don’t seem to be part of the same song, can I just say ‘help! It’s Peter Andre!’
And with that out of my system, I don’t feel a need to comment on that other guy’s lack of skill with a razor. I’m not convinced of their vocal talents either. The vibrato sounded more like lack of control than suitable embellishment.
So second up: Moldova. Quite croaky to start. Then for no readily apparently reason it’s turned into a sort of calypso-like thing. This is not necessarily something to be critical of. It’s difficult to complain about the woman in the skimpy bikini, but again they’ve gone for the clean-cut young male sex object cough singer thing.
From an audio point of view, they’ve knocked Switzerland right out of the ring. Even with the rap segment which should have been inevitable the moment one notices a black guy with dreadlocks and a microphone on the stage.
So the third song is from Israel. Blinding white costume, and they appear to be singing some sort of gospel song in Hebrew and English. I think it’s Hebrew anyway — given that it’s Israel’s entry, Hebrew seems to be the most likely second language. Fairly forgettable, that one.
Fourth! Latvia! A capella! Not something one usually encounters on Eurovision, but these guys can actually sing. It’s not a very good song (I shouldn’t comment on that, I don’t think there are any good songs at all this year, but I may get the chance to revise that opinion later), but it’s very slickly done and they can definitely sing.
They also have a small robot and a little red balloon full of something lighter than air. How odd.
Norway are fifth. More blinding white. Singer okay, two violinists, some backing singers. The song appears to be entirely in Norwegian — first entirely non-English song of the night. Of course for all I know she could be singing in something they made up on the spot, but since the title’s in Norwegian…
Come on, what’s with the wind machine?
And come to think of it, those violinists aren’t actually playing… no way what they were doing matched up with the backing track, and so that has to be where the violin sounds were coming from.
Here’s a familiar name… Las Ketchup. Remember them? They’re representing Spain. Terry suggests that the dancers are to keep our minds off the music, but whatever they were for, the band’s choreographer needs to be sacked. Did anybody else get the idea that the backing track actually belongs to a different song?
What are Malta going to give us this year? Ah good, someone who needs to go back to his singing teacher and apologise for running out before his training was complete. A backing track that sounds like it escaped from a Stock, Aitken and Waterman record just completes the pain. His voice keeps cracking between styles, and his shirt is awful. Thumbs down.
So Germany enter an Australian singing American-style country music. They even have stetsons and model cactii on stage. The advantage to this approach is that they actually have something which sounds vaguely like a song. She sounds a bit lost amidst the instruments, but it is good to see some instruments actually being played on stage. No backing track at all for this lot, and that’s great. Live music is what it’s supposed to be about!
Song number nine is from Denmark. Not white this time… pale gold instead. I’d say the lead singer’s really enjoying singing this song. I’m not especially enjoying listening to it, but we’ve definitely heard worse so far. The male dancer doesn’t appear to be affected by gravity in the same way as everyone else.
Song ten (no Terry, not thirteen), is Russia. Vested bloke with two ballet dancers behind. And a girl in the piano. She also appears to be a ballet dancer, but of course you could never say that the Russians can’t produce good ballet dancers. You could quite happily say that they haven’t produced a good song this year. Most countries seem to assume that in order to appeal to everyone in the competition, the song must be as bland and forgettable as possible. Of course, the ones that win tend to be the less bland and forgettable ones. Why? Because people actually remember them come voting time.
It just occurred to me that this make us get some votes this year due to being different. Time will tell…
The Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia (why did they pick such a long name for their country?) have a singer in very short denim shorts. Very, very short. They also have some inexplicable nonsense words in the middle of the chorus, which appear to be in places where the lead singer would much rather take a breath. Final note: how does she stand up in those heels? Final final note: the last chorus is in what I assume is Macedonian.
Song number twelve is Romania. Male singer, very bendy female dancer. Wait, did I say singer? It’s turned into some sort of dancey thing, and… umm… no. Not going there.
There do seem to be a lot of bilingual songs tonight, with bits in English and bits in the country’s own language.
And woo, this one ends with a key change. Hands up who didn’t see that one coming? I must be honest, I didn’t (although I should have), as we’ve been more or less free of pointless key changes so far.
The hosts are lame, but this comes as no surprise. They claim that they have the best audience in Eurovision history. Looks a lot like the other audiences to me.
Time for Bosnia and Herzegovina. More people dressed in white. Terry doesn’t like this song, but he’s criticised folky stuff before. This is only vaguely folky of course, the whole style is very smooth and assured. They have instruments on stage, but there are clearly other instruments somewhere, or a backing track. The women are dressed like the inhabitants of Paradise Island in the Wonder Woman TV series.
Lithuania now… another one I saw in the semifinal (as Bosnia too in fact). This is, it has to be said, awful. It’s like a football chant, but without the passion. I’m afraid I had to use the mute button, although the electric violin is quite nice.
Time for the UK entry now. I’ve not actually heard this yet, but I also know that Daz Sampson is very confident of his chances, and so comes across in interviews as rather arrogant. It’s a rap, which makes me cringe. Not quite sure what to make of it. Especially the use of police sirens as a backing instrument. Quite unlike what we’ve put into Eurovision before. And a much better reception from the audience than Lithuania got, which I’m sure had some boos in.
Now the Greek entry. She’s bound to get a good reception as there are bound to be huge number of Greeks in the audience. Why does she make me think of the Bene Gesserit? No Bene Gesserit would be seen with that sort of lack of physical control in her singing-related arm movements. The news from IRC is that her copious sleeves are where she hides her prodigious vocal talent. What a shame, it should be in her throat where she could use it.
To finish off: a key change! Forgettable and barely mediocre I’m afraid, but she gets the biggest applause so far. Home crowds, eh?
The Finnish band are very odd. They only appear in public wearing their extensive makeup. Nobody knows their real names or appearance. That’s one way to avoid fame I suppose… and they are actually fairly successful in Finland and abroad. The song’s not too bad, but it’s mostly about the visual impact I think. Especially when you’re wearing foot-high platform boots and using more pyrotechnics than the rest of the acts put together.
What does the Ukrainian song remind me of? Carl says she looks like Charlotte Church. There’s something in her voice which is very reminiscent of Shakira, and she could’ve done with a few more English pronunciation lessons before singing this — not that the majority of people watching, who don’t speak English fluently, will care.
Song number nineteen is from France. Sung, naturally, in French, with a real cellist on the stage, and an overdone backing track to completely ruin the effect. Singing in tune might help though…
Are we really at song number twenty already? It does seem so… Croatia, it is. ‘There’s a fellow trying to play a ukelele with a bow’ says Terry. Can’t he see it’s some form of lyre? Pffft. The singer’s lipstick is a bit too heavy and makes her look like a frog, but she is extremely bendy and wearing possibly the reddest dress of the evening. You might notice that I haven’t said anything about the song yet, that’s because I really don’t know what to say, other than ‘when does it finish?’
Ooooh stripping. I’m afraid that doesn’t make the song any better, but it does make things slightly easier on the eyes.
Ireland are next. Terry thinks it’s the best Irish entry for a while. I don’t recall recent Irish entries, but this one’s boring and sounds rather like innumerable other songs. Not worth dwelling on.
Time for Sweden. Must say the stage people are doing a good job making sure everyone’s ready on time. Sweden have entered a 1991 winner this year. What a shame she has forgotten how to sing. If she hadn’t, it might not matter quite so much how bad the song is.
Song twenty-three. Nearly over, and it’s Turkey. The BBC seem obsessed with the fact that all the dancers for this song are British — first on Thursday and now tonight with Terry. I don’t see what relevance it has. I also don’t see any reason to vote for this song at all.
And so we come to the final song of the evening (save the winner doing their encore, of course). It’s song number twenty-four and it’s… Armenia! Their first year at Eurovision, so they were pleased to get through the semifinal. What a shame their song disappears into the pool of other bland songs without any ripples.
So that’s the songs… now we just have to wait for the results.